Heavy? I think heavy suits me so I’ll be – Oh I’ll be uuum…. Right that’s enough of your emaily transactiony system stuff It’s time for training! Who the hell are you? You just made a huge mistake That is no way to talk to your superior No one is superior to me! Right step back Nah back off Johnny – I got this I said back off!

Whoooaa Oh its like that is it? Yeah its like that – I dont wanna get stabbed in the back again ooooo negative kill ratio Alright girls that enough! I am your coach! We don’t need a coach Sorry – ummm we didn’t actually order a coach Doesn’t matter – but the government appointed me to whip you into shape for you group gaming tournament Team fortress 2 tournament? Yeah your team battle of the tournaments! Its Team – Fortress – 2 Team.

Fortnight! 2! GOD STOP!

Wait so you’re from the government? Get out… Right – you guys need to read the contract! That says coach!

Shut Up! Look I just want to get one thing clear If you fuck with us – I will destroy you! So I just want to know one thing – do you even know how to play the game? Do you even know how to play the game? No actually – we are pretty new at this Right – so – we should all get to training outside!

I want gym attire now – go go go go go We have less than 2 weeks to train you for the big game! So I’ve taken the liberty of setting up an obstacle course at 3am this morning to whip you guys into shape Speed, Stamina, Strength Stamina. This is shiiiiiit We only have 2 weeks to teach those aussies across the ditch, who is the best… Castle, team, strike thing in the world!

Am I right?! Lets – DO IT! As my local dairy owner once said to me… You are a child of the universe I’m claustrophobic you dick! whoa whoa whoa! I just can’t do it captain! Do you feel stuck Johnny?

Do you feel claustrophobic? Do you feel the world closing in on you? Welcome to my world! No let go! No let go! Come on… How ya doing Spud?

I can’t do it I’m gonna die! Don’t worry – you’re good at other things Hey aren’t you hot in all that? I’m boiling Okay – well why are you so ashamed of us man? I’m not – I’m not ashamed of you!

Well then why are you wearing all those clothes and… the glasses and the hood… Because I look fucking hot okay! Okay… My family stills think’s I’m at Uni okay? and if my friends found out I was a gamer they’d probably just… Probably would just… what? Yeah…. I get it But its not you though You know – or Rob or Richard or… Johnny… Well maybe its a little bit of Johnny…

It’s just the way everyone else sees us You know…? There we go! Nice from you – what about you 2?

I’m just having a rest! Oh? Did Edmund Hillary have a rest?

I assume so! Oh… you Johnny? I don’t care! I don’t care!

How many circuits have you done? This is the actual worst – what are we doing? You know what? I’m out Oh no – please don’t leave the team I’m not leaving the team you dick I’m going back to Richards – to practice team fortress – like we should be doing What’s team fortress?

Is anyone else hearing this?! Oh! Its a game? Who are you?! Did the Australians send you to sabotage us or something? Don’t you say the A word around me!

Okay – okay how about this? How about you name me one class from team fortress – JUST ONE Class? Well yeah… uhhhh Drama class? Ohh okay okay – whats soldiers main gun? uhhh – a gun?

More specific than that a machine gun? Jesus – no – okay – what does a spy do? Spies? How does a medic heal people? Through the faith of Jesus Christ? Oh jesus okay… whats a demo mans main 2 guns?

whats the difference between them huh? Whats heavy mans weapon huh? Whats anyone weapons? WHO ARE YOU?!

I’m a sham! sorry – this doesn’t make any sense… the government sent YOU to US Look – I’ve never even seen a video game till today! I’m – a Rugby coach!

Then why the hell did they put you with us? Cause I lied… I thought it would be really easy to coach video gamers and I’d be the best in the world! No this is not good! No this is an easy fix – you can just leave! Oh shut up Johnny!

– no actually that’s a really good idea – just leave I can’t! No you literally can – you can literally just walk away No I li li literally cant – see – part of the condition of the contract is that I have to train you guys or… You don’t get your payout… Richard…. Don’t you pin this on me you son of a bitch! I don’t understand whats going on…

Okay from now on you don’t say anything? You don’t speak – not a fucking word alright? Okay – I’m taking over – so – Oh you are not!!

No one is the leader but me! I’m out – I’m out! I’m gonna get us some uniforms!

you better fuckin wash your tongue out with soap young man! shit… Prudence?! Prudence is that you?!

Oh my god ALICE?! What are you doing PJ?